Time to lose..

Song lyrics are on my mind today.

Time and space and age with so many things to do. I wish my mind would keep everything in its place. 

I’m caught up in with all these children who have all these little things of nothing and their whole futur in front of them, while I have my whole past and a million what ifs in front of me. Too many to count and non that I really want to think about but the pages I need to read.  

I am so tired these days. I feel lost. So much to do, so much to dream, so much so much! So yeah. I need a breath, what to ask for, and what I do ask for I can not seem to have. This pattern is broken. What solution does the potential ninth offer? Just more questions and lies maybe. No return to Hell. Home had brought some sense of soul back. 

I cannot seem to write it all down, but I need to keep trying. More than once a semester. Clarity may arise better after next months sleep study and a solution for the Narcolepsy? I hope.

Advertisements

Compartmentalization

I have a pretty interesting life. Im sitting in my car in one of the parking lots at the Univeristy, wondering over all the past parts of it. I have been lucky and unlucky. So many restarts. This one is a pretty big one.

Life be fore this was ugly. I thought it had been a good life for a long time. I had been working through a lot of our families problems by myself to the detriment of my daughter. You cant save a marriage or a family all by yourself. Especially if you don’t know yours is lost. 

After months of planning we made our journey out. It was rather abrupt and chaotic because plans never go the way you want. The house didn’t close on time. Everyone was grumpy. Nothing was clean. things were mising. lala.

But we are free. Its my home. We are safe. There are things to get done. One step at a time. 

I am sitting in my car after it rained and the sky is blue. The jets are practicing their runs. It is warm with a slight breeze and things are good. I have a class coming up in a few minutes and I need to figure out how to set up my budget for the month and to include a new computer into it… I am tired of the school computers dumping my data. But maybe I can hang it out. 

The sky is blue and there is a slight breeze and i am sitting in my car enjoying it all.

The jets are doing another fly by. Life is good today. The butterflies are flying everywhere too…